Breakdown of the Family: "Either Retain Them According to Acceptable Terms or Release Them According to Acceptable Terms!"

There may be situations where the family, which was established with great hopes, cannot continue and breakdown. Divorce, which means the breakdown of family unity, is a process that affects the society as well as the individuals. Despite all its negativities, this process also needs to be managed properly. As a matter of fact, in our religion, there are orders and prohibitions that must be taken into account in the termination of the family, as in the establishment of the family. 

As in all orders and prohibitions of Islam, the characteristics of human creation have been taken into account in family law. For this reason, it is allowed by our religion to end the marriage. On the other hand, the prohibition of divorce by the Christian Catholic Church stands before us as a situation contrary to fitrah. The approach of Islam on this issue is in accordance with human nature and social life. On the other hand, unjustified divorces were not tolerated religiously, but in the presence of a just cause, divorce was considered halal. The following statement of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) indicates the importance of the continuation of marriage and the protection of the family: “Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce.” (Abu Dawud, Talaq, 3; Ibn Majah, Talaq, 1) In order to ensure the continuity of marriage and family unity, and to resolve unrest and disagreements, the Qur'an advises women and men both separately and together: “O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.”(Nisa, 4/19), “And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah - then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.”(Nisa, 4/48)

The Qur'an, which advises men and women to get along well, wants the continuation of reconciliation efforts instead of seeing divorce as an option for the problems that couples cannot solve on their own. The verse states: "And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things]." (Nisa, 4/35) The person who will come between men and women as arbitrators must be someone that they both approve of. If there is no one in the family who can get the approval of both parties, the marriage and family counselor can also fulfill this task. The point to be considered here is that the person who will fulfill the duty of arbitrator should be sufficient in terms of knowledge and be in harmony with the couple in terms of belief. 

If the continuation of the marriage is not possible despite all efforts to reconcile, Islam allows divorce. It also determines the etiquette of divorce and post-divorce behavior procedures. 

Even if the spouses have mutual consent for divorce, disagreements may arise during or after the process. During the divorce, it is necessary to leave the spouse by good means, not to harm their rights and to protect the nasab. Observing the state of pregnancy and waiting for the period of ‘iddah are the issues that a woman should pay attention to after divorce. Men are warned about the rights of their wives after divorce as follows: “And when you divorce women and they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or release them according to acceptable terms, and do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself. And do not take the verses of Allah in jest. And remember the favor of Allah upon you and what has been revealed to you of the Book and wisdom by which He instructs you. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Knowing of all things.” (Baqarah, 2/231)  

Consciousness of rights should not be lost in the termination of marriage life, where mutual rightful share is the most common. Spouses should avoid causing material and spiritual harm to each other, and if there is a child, they should continue their parenting duties after the divorce in order for him to be educated and grow up healthy. 

Since the establishment of the family, Islam has set principles regarding all its dimensions. The family is the coming together of men and women for the purpose of attaining peace, fulfillment, and fulfilling the duties of rendering the world prosperous. Men and women, who establish a family with a solid contract called marriage (nikah), discipline and raise their children. While the marriage contract imposes some legal responsibilities on the person, the person who establishes a family also undertakes some physical and spiritual responsibilities. Being a spouse, getting along well with his/her spouse and new relatives, raising children in a family environment filled with compassion and love are among these responsibilities. Our religion regulates all these responsibilities and aims to make the family a shelter and the spouse a source of peace and tranquility in the worldly life. The family, which is the basis of social peace as well as individual, is a sensitive institution that shapes the society with the children it raises, keeps the society together with the values it protects and carries, and builds civilization. For this reason, our religion protects the rights of individuals and the continuation of lineage, with the principles it sets even in the event of the breakdown of the family, and ensures the healthy continuation of generations.