Marriage Decision

The family is a strong structure that enables men and women who live under the same roof and share many responsibilities to become life partners. The family, in which men and women support each other, should be built on strong foundations so that they can endure the tests that will be experienced throughout life and fulfill their purposes of servitude and creation. The first of these strong foundations is the right spouse selection. The choice of spouse should not be based on temporary pleasures, likes and desires, but on the basis of unchanging criteria. The person who is going to marry should be aware that he/she does not only choose a spouse for himself, but also chooses parent for his/her child. A marriage that will be made with the idea of "I can divorce" when the marriage cannot continue will mean accepting failure in the first place. For this reason, a person should try to choose the person to be with him not only in health and youth, but also in sickness and old age. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) clearly reveals the right criterion in choosing a spouse: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.” (Bukhari, Nikah, 15; Muslim, Rada’, 15) In that case, the criterion in choosing a spouse should be piety, and the person should not condemn himself to unhappiness before and after marriage with unrealistic expectations. 

The presence of members of different religions in the society raises the issue of marriage with non-Muslims. It is stated in the Qur'an that a Muslim man cannot marry a polytheist, a woman who associates partners with Allah, (Baqarah, 2/221) but can marry a woman from the Ahl al-Kitab.(Ma'idah, 5/5) It has been decreed that Muslim women cannot marry polytheist men, nor can they marry men from the Ahl al-Kitab. (Nisa, 4/22, 24; Mumtahanah, 60/10,11) The fact that the Messenger of Allah (saw) accepted piety as the main criterion in choosing a spouse shows that it is necessary to approach marriage with a non-Muslim, whether male or female, carefully. It should not be forgotten that it is necessary to create the environment in which the children to be born will grow up according to Islam and that even the simplest daily habits, from eating to drinking, cannot be far from religious principles. It is clear that members of two different religions may experience many problems in their married life. Efforts to preserve identity and culture may also lead to disputes and conflicts between spouses. Umar's (ra) disapproval of Muslim men marrying women from the Ahl al-Kitab can be evaluated as a result of these concerns. (Tabari, Tafsir, Egypt, 1954, II, 377,378)

If a marriage has been made with a person belonging to a different religion, our child, brother or relative should not be left alone, uninformed and unsupported in this family union. Contributing to the correct learning of our religion by men and women from different religions who have just joined the family is one of our duties. 

The young person to be married has the right to choose the person he will marry and to take responsibility for his choice, be it a man or a woman. For this reason, it is not morally right to force a person to marry someone they do not want, and it is also religiously wrong. It is also important for a person to see and know the person to marry. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) asked Mughira bin Shu'ba, who informed him that he was going to marry, whether he had seen the girl he was going to marry, and when he said that he had not, he said: "Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you."(Ibn Majah, Nikah, 19) These meetings, which will be held for the purpose of getting to know each other before marriage, should be carried out within the boundaries determined by the Islam between men and women. Public places should be preferred instead of inappropriate environments in the interviews, and couples should act with the idea that the person in front of them will be the parents of their future children. 

Being the right person is just as important as finding the right spouse. For this reason, the person who intends to marry should realize the faults, deficiencies and mistakes about himself/herself and try to eliminate them. Because marriage is a process that requires patience, determination and effort. For this reason, the person should get rid of his bad habits and addictions, solve his psychological problems and put his family relationships on a healthy ground.

The third principle that a person who thinks he has found the right person and strives to be the right person should pay attention to in establishing a family is a mashru' marriage.